So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
