Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
