You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
