There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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