the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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