you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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