he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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