I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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