He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The best revenge is premature balding
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
