Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
