dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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