The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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