i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
