Will you blow on my dice?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
