What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
