hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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