If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
