Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
