My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
