also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
