dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
