he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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