I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
