i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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