I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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