Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Vodka?
Forever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
