1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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