Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
