Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He felt like a one man threesome
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
