I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
