dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
