Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
