i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
