her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just cropdusted the office
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
