Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
