I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
