a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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