making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
