Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
