I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you didnt know i had herpes?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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