Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
