Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
