i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
