So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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