just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize