stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
