So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
