i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
