did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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