So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
