I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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