in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
