i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
