Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize