Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
