When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
