Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
