i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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