I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize