I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
