That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
