i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
