As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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