ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
