my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
