Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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