Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
