he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
