Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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