I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
