WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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