HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
