Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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