I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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