I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
