Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
