i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
