i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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