She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
